I Guess You Get Used to Somebody
by Fairytale Mistress
Summary: Kenshin has taking up wandering again because he thinks that it will protect Kaoru and the others from the enemies that come after him. Kaoru’s slowly losing her mind and during his travels, Kenshin meets someone who tells him that sometimes, it’s better


**"I Guess You Get Used To Somebody"**

Rating: PG  
Summary: Kenshin has taking up wandering again because he thinks that it will protect Kaoru and the others from the enemies that come after him. Kaoru's slowly losing her mind and during his travels, Kenshin meets someone who tells him that sometimes, it's better to lay down roots. Will Kenshin return to the ones he loves?

--

**_I thought I felt you touch my cheek this morning  
But I must've been dreaming _**

_**And in the middle of the night without a warning  
I thought I heard you breathing**_

Kaoru woke from her fitful sleep and scraped the hair that had matted itself to her cheek away from her face. Sitting up, she used the sleeve of her sleeping robe to wipe the cold balmy sweat away and she sighed.

How long had he been gone? Two weeks? A month? She couldn't remember. She shook her head. Kaoru felt stupid for thinking she finally had gotten him to settle down—grow some roots. She felt stupid for missing him, for believing that he'd never leave. She felt stupid for falling in love with him.

She never slept all the way through the nights anymore. She told herself that without Kenshin around she was on her own for defense. But that wasn't true and she knew it. More often than not, Sanosuke slept on her porch like a guard dog, and Yahiko could defend the place if he had to. They were all good fighters, and they were her friends. She knew that with Kenshin gone, they were looking out for her. Still, she watched the moon cycle through new to full and now, it was waning again, just a sliver of light in the sky. But somehow, the softness the moonlight provided just wasn't as soft and comforting as it used to be.

She stood and stretched and wondered through her home, finally settling with a mug of cool water at her dining table. In her robe she felt slimy and alone. The room wasn't big, but it felt empty, and it was much too quiet around there for her tastes.

**  
_Me and my so-called independence  
I've got this loneliness that's so relentless _**

Kenshin huddled himself against the roots of an old tree and rested his reverse-blade against his shoulder. The familiar feel of the hilt in the soft groove of the crook in his neck was of little comfort, knowing he'd once held something much more precious there.

_Kaoru…_

He remembered back to the first time he left her, when he left to fight Shishio in Kyoto. He remembered that leaving them all was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. But they'd followed him anyway. This time, after all that they had been through, they could not follow him. There was no war to fight, there was no demon to be killed, there was just Kenshin and his Battousai half trying to run from something he knew he needed.

He knew that when the Revolution was over he would never live a normal life. He knew that and so he agreed to carry the reverse-blade sword. He took a vow never to kill again. And he began to wander.

But when he met Kaoru, things began to change for Kenshin. The moment their eyes met, things began to change for him. She took something from him when she asked him to stay at her home, but he hadn't know what it was then—now, he knew, it was his ruroni nature.

He met Yahiko and Sanosuke and Megumi and the more friends he made, the harder it was to pull his feet from the Kamiya soil. But Kenshin wouldn't—couldn't burden Kaoru like that. He couldn't endanger them for the rest of their lives. They had suffered enough at the hands of his enemies, they didn't deserve that.

So, against perhaps even his own will, Kenshin picked himself up one night, and left without so much as a good bye.****

_I guess you get used to somebody  
Kinda like having them around  
I guess you get used to the way they make you happy  
Bring you up when you're feeling down_

Kaoru noticed the worried looks from her friends as she swept the porch clean. She was moping and she knew it. Even Megumi had tried to cheer her up. They'd taken her to the Akabeko, they'd played games, and sung songs, and danced. Nothing helped, but she thanked them all sincerely for trying.

The dojo just wasn't the same without Kenshin's cheerful laugh and his quiet humming when he was doing laundry. Even Ayame and Suzume were sad and didn't come around as often.

Kaoru repressed a sob as she thought about how Kenshin could get to smile even when she thought her world was coming to an end. He always had something positive to say, no matter what was happening around him. Kaoru had loved that about him. She loved his "Oro"s and his goofy looks, she loved the way he smelled and—lord, his cooking… not that Megumi was a bad cook, she was excellent in the Kitchen—certainly better than Kaoru herself was, but… Kenshin made her special meals he knew she liked when she'd had a bad day. He always seemed to know little things to do to make her smile.

**  
_I never dreamed when I was letting you go that  
I would wake up and miss you this much  
I guess you get used to somebody, I guess you get used to being loved _**

Kenshin sat cross-legged beside a stream in the shade of a bridge with a fishing pole dangling from his hands. He didn't expect to catch anything, but he was certainly hoped that supper would arrive on the end of that line soon. He looked beside him to the wood he'd gathered to make a fire and sighed. _It would be nice to have a kitchen out here, that it would._ He thought, gloomily. He remembered making dinner so many times for Kaoru and the others and how he enjoyed playing with the spices until he got the taste just right.

When night fell, Kenshin curled up once again beneath a tree. Watching the river flow by in front of him, he felt his heart sink a little lower in his chest. In all his years as a man and as a warrior, he'd never felt this kind of pain. _Not even with Tomoe._ He thought. He felt like he was dying, like there was a part of him that just somehow couldn't live if it was away from the Kamiya dojo for too long. There was a deep longing within him to go back to her, and as hard as he fought it, it only caused him pain to deny himself.

Kenshin felt stupid. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind so he could sleep but before he could even begin that process he heard foot steps coming towards him. Looking up, Kenshin recognized the shadow approaching him. The tall, slender frame was distinguished by the long sword extending from his back. Aoshi. ****

_I kinda miss those rambling conversations  
Where we'd talk about nothing  
The way you always made me laugh at my frustrations_

Aoshi regarded the Battousai's situation before speaking, recognizing the other man's predicament before he had to ask.

"What are you doing out here, Aoshi?" Kenshin broke the silence, greeting his fellow warrior bleary-eyed, trying to hide his thoughts but knowing that it was practically impossible considering who he was regarding.

"I was about to ask you the same thing, Battousai." Aoshi said briefly, looking him over before quietly taking a seat next to the man.

"I'm wandering." Kenshin said, curtly, honestly.

"Where are you wandering to?" Aoshi asked.

"I don't know that." The ruroni replied, not looking at the other man, he began to fidget. "I had to leave them. People will never stop coming after me, and they don't deserve—"

"—What your absence is doing to them." Aoshi finished for him, bluntly. Then he turned to look Kenshin in the face, "Somewhere between the time you met and Shishio's battle, you stopped being friends with those people, and you became family. They're not simply missing a friend who's moved away. To them, it's as though a family member has abandoned them." Aoshi spoke remembering his own group of friends. "The Oniwabanshu were much the same to me; Kenshin, you have a kind of extended family now, and it's your responsibility to protect them from harm. You can't do that if you're out here running away," he finished.

Kenshin wanted to cry. What could he say? Aoshi was dead right. If something happened to Kaoru or one of the others he'd never be able to forgive himself. He wasn't where he needed to be at all!

Jumping up, he looked down at Aoshi appreciatively. "Thank you, friend." He said, hesitantly, knowing it was saying something to call Aoshi Shinimori a friend. But the tall man only nodded with a small half-smile.

"You still owe me that tea." He said not looking at Kenshin as the Battousai turned in the direction of the Kamiya dojo.

"Yes, and we'll have it soon, Aoshi, I promise." Kenshin replied over his shoulder.

**  
_Baby that was something  
I should've been careful what I wished for   
'Cause I've got my freedom and so much more _**

The barrage of thoughts that were flowing through Kenshin's mind as he raced back through the woods towards the Kamiya dojo were almost incomprehensible. However, when his mind came upon one thought, his feet stumbled and he found himself in a heap on the forest floor.

_I love her…_

He knew that he had love in his heart for Kaoru. He knew that he cared for the girl deeply, but when his mind put it so… provocatively, it was strange to Kenshin. He almost didn't understand what his brain meant by this kind of love—just what went into making this kind of love happen, and then, images… Kenshin turned beet red and sped up his pace, trying to think of anything but of Kaoru and of his revelation.

Six days had passed, and Kenshin walked outside from the inn he'd rented freshly washed and rested. He'd run himself ragged, trying to get back to the town where Kaoru and the others stayed, but he'd wondered farther than he had imagined. _One more day._ He thought, smiling, knowing that by sundown, he would be home.****

_I guess you get used to somebody  
Kinda like having them around  
I guess you get used to the way they make you happy  
Bring you up when you're feeling down_

Kaoru was straightening the house area up once again. She'd rearranged the place several times in the past several weeks, just trying to keep herself busy. Her dojo had never been so neat and clean. The floors shone, the walls were dusted and her father's collection was organized by size, shape, and maker.

She'd even tried learning how to cook a decent meal. Megumi gave her a few lessons, but each time, things turned out uneatable, and they ended up at the Akabeko. She washed her clothes, and mended them, and sometimes, she found herself trying to get them extra dirty so he'd have to wash them again.

The bathhouse was kept spotless, and she took long baths. She cleaned and organized her father's shed, and she swept off the porch every day, at least twice. Kaoru was completely out of things to do.

It was evening, which meant that everyone except her had gone to the Akabeko for a celebration she just didn't feel up to. She sat at her spotless dinner table with a mug in her hands and she sighed. The sun was setting and the red-orange glow cast loneliness deep into the recesses of her mind. She swore each day it crept farther and farther back, so far that one day, she'd never be able to get it out. She felt the familiar chill run down her spine, the clammy sweat of a hard day's work mixed with heart-sick depression.

She let go of her cup and it bounced once on the table before spilling its contents across the width and then onto the floor. She held her aching head in her hands. _Why won't he come back to me?_ She thought pathetically. _Am I not good enough for him?_

But her heard the clack clack of the large wooden gate open and shut, and she lifted herself from her chair to see who'd come into her yard. _Maybe…_

**  
_I never dreamed when I was letting you go that  
I would wake up and miss you this much  
I guess you get used to somebody, I guess you get used to being loved _**

Kenshin really didn't know what do expect when he stepped though the dojo gate. But when there was no one in the yard, he assumed that they'd all gone into town for the evening. Looking around at the spotless yard, curiously, he began to slowly make his way toward the house, never once taking his eyes off the front door.

He heard movement inside, and it was followed by a form inhabiting the door way and it was Kaoru.

When their eyes met, both stopped in their tracks, he afraid that he was unwelcome, she afraid that she was dreaming. Kenshin finally swallowed and took a few steps forward to get a better look at her face. For the first time in his life, he was unable to read the young girl's expression and that scared him.

Kaoru fell to her knees when he started to move, _no, it's not a dream… He's back._ She thought, her hand flying to her lips trying hard to think of what to say to him.

When Kenshin saw her fall, he ran to her, and took her into his arms and held her to him, and hugged her hard. "Kaoru. I'm sorry for leaving." He said quietly. "But I'm back now. And I'm never going to leave you again."

Kaoru's emotions had been dammed far too long and in one instant they came rushing forward. She reached her arms up to hug the ruroni tight, holding onto him as though if she were to let him go, he would vanish into thin air. "Kenshin, I'm glad you're back. I don't know what I would have done if you'd never returned to me." She said, unbidden tears rolling down her cheeks.

Kenshin kissed them away, he brushed her bangs away from her eyes. "Kaoru." He said her name again without the honorific. It felt good to say it that way. The way it was in his dreams. "Kaoru." He said it again, just kissing her forehead, and holding her tight, "Kaoru, I love you." He said finally, "I couldn't stay away from you."****

_I never dreamed when I was letting you go that  
I would wake up and miss you this much  
I guess you get used to somebody  
I guess you get used to being loved_

"Oh, Kenshin." Kaoru's voice was hoarse with emotions untold, "I have loved you, couldn't you see that? I've waited so long for you. Waited to see if you would stay of if you would leave. And just when I thought you'd finally found your home—you left—" Her voice hitched and she cried again.

Kenshin held back his own tears, "Yes, Kaoru, I did leave you. I thought that if I could just go away, I could protect you from my enemies. But I realized that without you in my life, life isn't worth living. I also realized, thanks to—" and he stopped deciding not to give Aoshi's name away, "I also realized that if anything happened to you while I was gone, I'd never forgive myself. You and Yahiko and Sanosuke and Megumi and the others. You are my family. I belong here." He said finally.

Kaoru smiled a genuine smile and picked at a strand of Kenshin's hair that danced around his face. "One day, Kenshin, you'll get used to being loved." She said, and looked him in the eyes.

He pulled her closer to him and smiled his familiar smile and kissed her gently, claiming her lips as his own; sealing promises and planting roots that would last them a lifetime.****

_I guess you get used to somebody  
I guess you get used to being loved_

_**© 2005**_

_**The Fairy Tale Mistress**_


End file.
